I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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