He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
