Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
