the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
