He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
