I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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