Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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