there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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