i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm really busy with my period
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