just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
