Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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