Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
