I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
