once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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