She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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