Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
