I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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