Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
