I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
