She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
