you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
