My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
