I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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