If i come over, it means nothing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
