I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
