; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
