Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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