i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
