Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
