kristin has been a bad kristin
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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