Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
