Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
