someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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