just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
