is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
