I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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