That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
