i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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