Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
