I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
