Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
