I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
