just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
