My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They took my balls.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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