My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
