I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
