if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
