Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
