Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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