ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
