I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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