maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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