Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
