barbara walters just said penis...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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