you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
