none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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